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My rocket science life

August 19, 2015

Not long ago, my belief was that God only gives us hurdles because He knows we can manage them. Lessons for the overall development of our soul. But lately I have been feeling like I’m grasping at sand. As soon as you think that you’ve got one thing done, everything else seems to crash down. Every tiniest little thing seems to have become rocket science. Sometimes even things that you would really just not expect to go wrong. Random crap that just won’t stay fixed. It’s frustrating, and evidence is mounting that God is doling out more hurdles than I can cope with.

There are the things that don’t directly affect me, but make the atmosphere that much more ominous. The guy who was abducted from our building. The guy who was shot this month along our daily dog walking path. The other guy we walked by on vacation who was about to jump off a building. Sure, I wasn’t really affected, nor did I witness any of these tragic events. The shooting was late in the night. The suicide, mercifully, we missed. But they happened. Who would have thought we’d be seeing blue police investigation tents twice in a couple of weeks?

There are things that kind of affect me, even though I don’t have to take any action. My husband has been dealing with a very irritating case of identify theft. He’s had to spend so much time chasing around credit card companies and the like, making sure everything is appropriately blocked and passwords secured. Nothing has been lost, thankfully, but it still reminds us of the frailty of our personal security.

Then there are the things that personally frustrate me, work frustrations mostly. Grasping at sand. The moment you think you’ve got it securely in hand, it starts seeping out between your fingers. As much as I keep trying to get things done, as much as I try to keep a positive attitude and stay optimistic, things just aren’t happening. One step forward, two steps back.

This isn’t to discard all the good things that have been happening around me. Lots of weddings of family and friends this summer. Lots of friends with healthy babies this summer also. But then again, seeing babies everywhere just keeps reminding me that our own efforts are yet unsuccessful. We finally went to see a doctor about things, hoping that nothing was wrong. That we were just being impatient. But of course that wasn’t true either. Nothing that can’t be worked around, but still. Hurdles.

And to me, a lot of this is my body telling me that these stressors just aren’t within the range that is healthy for me. I need to lose weight. I need to manage my stress better. And you know what? I need to be doled less shit. Why can’t some things in life not need to be fraught with hurdles? Why can’t just some things be accepted as a given fact? Have sex = make baby. It’s not rocket science. It shouldn’t be. Why does everything have to be rocket science?