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The present

July 8, 2012

May the grace of Christ our Saviour, and the Father’s boundless love,
With the Holy Spirit’s favour, rest upon us from above.
Thus may we abide in union with each other and the Lord,
And possess in sweet communion joys which this world cannot afford.

I suppose looking back, I should not be surprised at how much this summer is feeling like limbo. Both my past and my future feel like distant dreams, and I am stuck in a situation that I cannot fully comprehend or appreciate. I had made elaborate plans for the time before now, and the fruits of my labour begin after now. Which makes now a very awkward place to be. Two months worth of awkwardness.

I’m between jobs. My stuff is all in storage. I’ve moved out of my last place and am waiting to move into my next. My boyfriend is still over there while I’m over here.

I look back on my last few years and the happy life I had made for myself seems like a distant dream. I look forward to my upcoming life and it seems like an abstract concept. The whole I idea of taking a month off for vacation between jobs seemed like a great idea beforehand, but I’ve found myself feeling lost.

Happiness seems so very far away and out of grasp.

I know if you take stock of all the things that are happening to me, I should be endlessly grateful and happy. But in the midst of it, it’s unbelievably stressful. It also doesn’t help that I miss him so very dearly.