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Uncharted territory

November 18, 2011

Today 5pm marked where my life diverged from my expected plan for the last few years. It marked the point in time when I was planning on taking off from this job, traveling, and then moving on to my new job - the one that should already have been ready and waiting for me. I had planned to finish up a number of projects this month, then pack up my life for a big move. And finally settling down somewhere.

This week at work I found myself reaching a point of not really knowing what to do next. The last couple of months has consisted of discovering that my life was not going to be what I thought it would be. The job plans getting totally discombobulated.  My understanding of existing friendships being questioned, and seeing people in a new light.  Falling in love when I was least expecting, and discovering that indeed what I was looking for was something that really existed.

Perhaps my entire world view that I’ve developed over the last few years here has been completely turned on its head. Suddenly I find myself having to come to terms with this new reality. Indeed my prayers have always been that my love would find me, and that things would happen in the way that would be best for me, and for God to use me in the way He had planned for me. I never did pray to get the precise things I was working for. What I’ve come to realize is that no matter how much you plan, things will happen in ways and in a pace that it has to, and that way is often not what you think should be right. But the beauty is - reality is better.

So now I face two weeks of work, during a time when I should already be on vacation. Then I will go on an abbreviated version of the vacation, and come back here. Work here. Grow my love here. And have some more time again to figure out what it is that I really should be doing with myself.

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