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Keep marching on

August 30, 2011

I’m unbelievably stressed. Trying to remind myself to just keep marching on and let things unfold as they will. I do believe that God has his hand in my life, and things will happen on His terms, not mine. Any amount of planning always just gets thrown out the window.

A good friend of mine in her late 30s has been trying to have a baby. She recently got married and started down the path. After disappointing doctors visits, failed IVF, miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy… apparently her ovaries are shutting down. It just makes me think again about how, no matter how much we want to do things on our schedule, life doesn’t happen that way.

Lately I’ve been preoccupied with two things. Writing a big grant and studying for a big exam. Both are due in about a month. The grant is a five year thing, and is forcing me to plan intricate details out to 2019. I keep thinking, of all the details I’m putting in it, what is my personal life going to be like in 2019? Where will I be? I haven’t a clue. I barely even have a clue about what I’ll be doing in a few months, let alone years. And this exam? Why am I writing it? I dunno, but I’m sure having lots of trouble getting into studying for it.

So I’m stuck with the same conclusion. Just keep marching on. Doing what I have to do. And trusting God to lead me down the right path. Maybe it’s not my plan. Maybe it’s not what I expect. But I sure won’t get there if I don’t keep walking. Now I just need to keep reminding me of this.

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