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There from here
July 3, 2011
Lying awake this night. Feeling at a loss again.
Last weekend was really awesome. My friends surprised me with really special things for my birthday, and it really made me feel unbelievably special. The icing on the cake was getting my best friend on Skype to join us for the celebations. It was the next best thing to her being there in person. It made me realize that I do have some very awesome friends!
The last week has seen a lot of people away from work, and the silence at the office, coupled with my looming deadlines, resulted in an amazing level of productivity for me.
So with all this great stuff going on, it seems odd that I would be tossing around in bed now feeling at a loss. But I am.
Mom has been visiting now for three weeks, and I love her and love having her around. I really do. But at the same time, it is draining. There is always something to criticize. Nothing is ever good enough. Plus she has this thing about going to bed early, and waking up at 11pm (sometimes 10pm… She doesnt actually look at the clock) whining that why am I not yet in bed? Why am I not studying? Why do I do this like that? It’s draining.
So why am I feeling at a loss? I am lying here thinking that I can’t see how my life will move forward. My goals for 2011? Not a single one closer to fruition, and I just don’t see how any of them will come along. And you know it’s not been for the lack of trying. My entire focus this year has been on getting these things done. But they’re not getting done. And it’s already July.
I feel like I will be stuck in this rut forever. Or fall into an abyss. I don’t know how I’m going to get there from here.
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