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On faking it
February 4, 2011
A topic that a good friend of mine have talked about for a while now. As doctors and scientists, we are used to acting a certain way to get to where we are now career-wise, and it’s worked. And then it’s puzzling when the same mindset does not work for dating.
The way I have always functioned, since childhood, is I’ll put my heart into anything I try. Truthfully, I can’t get myself to do something unless I really want to do it. And you can’t know if you want to do it, until you’ve tried it. So my strategy has always been to assume I love something, try it, give it a good chance, and decide later if it’s indeed something I want to keep doing. As a result, I’ve found a lot of things interesting. As a result, my teachers in many different fields have assumed I was going to do that for a career. It’s ranged from accounting to journalism to sciences to medicine.
In regards to career, this technique has worked very well. “Fake it until you make it.” That’s the slogan for when things get tough. It’s a technique that has gotten me quite far with my career. Did I really think that I’d get the jobs and grants I have when I applied for them? Not at all. Doesn’t mean other people can’t think I should. It also works wonders with patients, this wonderful thing called patience. Persistently being nice to screaming children or frustrated parents until they see that you really are there to help them.
However, although this tactic also works wonders with making friends, it seems to entirely be useless when trying to find a date! I guess I’ve always maintained my same strategy with men. Keep my mind open, presume the person is likeable, and give them a good chance. Because I can’t get myself to want to get to know them better if I don’t believe this in my own head. But it seems that men don’t want women to seem interested. I dunno. It’s all very confusing.
Why can’t something that works wonders in every single other aspect, fall so flat on its face for this one?
Comments:
February 5th, 2011 at 11:05 am
I think a lot of high-achieving women struggle with this–you’re told from a young age that you can achieve anything you put your mind to, but unfortunately, it doesn’t necessarily work for relationships. Think of it as a different skill set. Like fishing. If you try too hard you’ll scare the fish away. Frustrating, no?
February 5th, 2011 at 12:01 pm
Hi Heidi! Nice to meet you here finally. :P
Re: fishing. How about we just try trawling? LOL.
February 5th, 2011 at 3:48 pm
Well, you can always try “The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mister Right.” Includes such gems as:
- Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance)
- Don’t Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
- Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
- Don’t Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls
- Always End Phone Calls and dates First
Or in other words….Get a lobotomy.
February 5th, 2011 at 3:54 pm
See? That just seems dishonest and deceptive. Can’t get myself to act that way.
February 5th, 2011 at 3:56 pm
I know. Ironically, one of the authors of The Rules got divorced after the book came out. She claims it was because she wasn’t following her own rules closely enough. Eye roll.
February 5th, 2011 at 10:42 pm
See that is the problem. The deception may work for the short term. But eventually, you have to be yourself again. Why not find someone who likes you for you in the first place?