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Tired of the every day
June 17, 2009
It sounds like an Outback commercial. I’ve been feeling lately just really tired of routine and the every day. I mean, it’s only been, what, 2 weeks since classes ended? I’ve already found ways to batch routine mundane tasks to make them easier. Like making three cups of coffee at a time and putting them in the fridge. But now I’m dreading looking in my fridge at night and seeing I’m out of coffee and have to make more. Last few days I’ve not even bothered to make dinner. I just whip up small snacks here and there to make up some sort of balanced intake. Like some crackers and cheese. A bowl of edamame. An apple. A salad with proscuitto. A microwaved pizza. You know, quick things.
I’ve been doing the EA Sports Active 30 day challenge, which finishes next week. I missed a day yesterday because I’m just feeling so blah.
I think the main problem is I’m just so sleepy. Work has been busy and stressful because I have a lot of things planned that were to be done this month, and I have these two big grants to get done and ethics board approvals at two centers for it. With the grants and the exercising and the qin practicing, I’ve been getting very little sleep. I keep meaning to get to bed early, but can’t seem to get there until 2am. Then it’s 7am wake time for some sort of work thing. I’m just getting worn down and tired.
Plus I’ve come to the realization on multiple counts that I need to just move on from certain relationships. Or perhaps I should say that I came to the realization that certain relationships exist far less than they did in my head. That I’ve put above and beyond my share of effort in building/reviving them that I need to stop obsessing over them and getting upset about them. Take a break and let the other side do the work if they are so inclined. You know? And if they are not inclined, then well, it was clearly all in my head. And then there’s just those people that I’ve worked patiently on to build some sort of relationship, who I’ve come to realize aren’t worth my time or effort.
If you think I’m being vague, I’m really just saying the overall gist of the issue. And it’s not just in relation to men and potential romantic relationships, but also some friends and co-workers.
And then it’s back to the basic issue right now that I’m just tired of the routine. I’ve often wondered. This academic career takes you through a lifestyle of things being in constant state of change. Elementary school was 6 years. Highschool 5 years. College 2 years. University 3 years. Medschool 4 years. Residency 5 years. I’ve never been in one place for more than 6 years. Ever. And now it’s only been one year into my great adventure out west, and I’m already getting bored of routine. What am I going to do with myself for the next 40 years? What will it be like to “settle down”?
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